Confession Entry #1

"Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective."
James 5:16-17


My brothers and sisters in Christ, I come to you with a broken sinful heart. I do not know how many people actually read this but to those of you who do I must confess a grave sin on my soul. It is a struggle I face everyday yet something I am constantly working toward bettering myself. The bible tells us to confess our sins before man and before God not hiding anything, for what is done in the dark will be brought into the light by the Son of God. So before you I confess, and come to you for help, advise, forgiveness and love.
As I continue through my path with Christ I am developing a deeper relationship, but at times feel like I treat him as my dorky next door neighbor who I do not acknowledge at school, yet am best friends with at home. For my church friends, they would never know that I was afraid to freely talk about Christ in front of my co-workers. Although I am not afraid to read my bible around some, or my Jesus self help book in front of others I still struggle with the fact that I am a follower of Christ. When asked am I a Christian I fully acknowledge that I am, but why does it take somebody asking me for them to know? Why is it that I wear my "What for God" bracelet yet at times make sure it is turned so that people can no see? Why am I so worried about what others think of me? I am constantly making the worst sin of all and that is not owning Christ. How can I be an example for my peers if some days I fall like I have? How can I be a vessel for Christ is I have no back bone to support it.
I would like to confess this sin, and my sorrow. I feel like I contently let people down by doing this. I write these blogs, I tell people to trust God and turn to God, yet at time I am a hypocrite and do not follow my own advise. I am sorry for such a two faced "follower" of Christ. I can not explain the hesitance in my life. Growing up with the faith background that I did, we did not voice our faith out loud very often. Christ was not at the center of our lives. It was not until I came to Chicago that I truly began to follow Christ. And with the help of Tim Ophus (and pushing Petes buttons at a bible study ;-D) I found Christ. A real Christ, not just a fact and answers, going through the motion Christ.
I'd like to share a story with you about the Holy Spirit talking to me and giving me direction through another person. Growing up Catholic we had a thing called Adoration. Catholics believe that the bread turns into the body of Christ, and during Adoration the host is present in front of you. This is a time when the living God was there with you, it was one of my favorite things in the world. (Now I have the knowledge that Christ is always present with us, but that's for a different post.) I was in the middle of prayer and the leader of the retreat I was on came up to me, I had never met him, had a single conversation with him, nothing. He began to tell me that during his time of prayer the Holy Spirit had come to him about me and gave him a vision he said: "The Lord sees you as a ship big and strong....but you have no mast, you can not go anywhere." The Lord at that time had already began to shape me to be the disciple I am mention to be. He was telling me that I was to be his ship, his vessel and I was to go places, but without the back bone to support it I will go no where. How cool is it that the Holy Spirit talks to us! God talks to us! But....then....why can I not listen?
So I confess this sin in my life before you and before God. I do not know if others struggle with the same sin. I don't know know if possibly you once did and over came your troubles. But just like in AA they say the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. Much is the same through Christ, you are never going to be healed if you do not confess you sins. I pray for the strength to get past this, to be all Christ wants me to be. I do know that through Jesus Christ we can have eternal life. Through Jesus Christ we are dead to sin and born again through him and in him. I pray that I become the vessel that the Lord wants me to be.
If you struggle with this problem, or others and need somebody to talk to, I urge you to find somebody you can confide in. I am always there for you if you are in need. And do not forget: turn to Christ! He is longing for you! Put all your trust and faith in him!

I pray for you and your walk with Christ.